An Open Letter |World Mental Health Day|Kennedy Montecue.
Dear You,
It was difficult for me to write today. mainly because my head is truly not in the right place. But then I thought, it’s a perfect time because I’m feeling the way I am right now.
I wish I could write a letter that says I’m “over it” now. That I’m cured of all my issues and I can carry on with my life as what some people would say is called normal.
I wish I could say that I’m the master of my mind and heart and I’m completely emotionless and can work through anything with a clear and sound mind; completely grey.
The complete and sometimes f*cked up truth about it is I can’t. Today was honestly a good example of that.
I couldn’t work because my thoughts and fears were so loud it was almost Krypaling. I cried all day and all week. I felt hopeless, alone, and scared all at once. I had no reason to feel this way, I’ve been socializing more and this blogging/podcasting thing is starting to pick up. But for some reason, those particular emotions were/are the strongest at this time.
There was a time I thought this would be forever, and right now yeah, it truly feels like this is my default emotion or way of being. But in the back of my mind, I know it’s a matter of time before my mind frame will shift and I’ll be okay again.
I say “okay” because amazing or awesome is too much for me, and I haven’t been that since I went to Disneyland last, and that was over two years ago. I miss feeling that way, but for now, okay is well…okay.
I guess what I’m trying to say in this letter is that sometimes life sucks. But in those times it’s important to reach out and take care of yourself the best way you can. Whether that looks like going to the doctor, taking your medication, working out, talking/venting to a friend, eating comfort food or even sleeping the day away. Do something that makes you feel good. and if crying is one of them too, Do it! it’s a natural anti-depressant and I haven’t skipped or forgotten to take my daily (or hourly) dose of it.
But also, what I do in these horrible times is I sit down, grab a notebook, and write down the things I’m grateful for. From being %75 healthy to being able to hit soprano notes (I’m a theatre kid and I pride myself on that shit okay) And eyes and ears to be able to watch Harry Styles new music video, and taste buds so I can enjoy pizza, and CAKE! All the good things that make life worth living.
I’m not going to say anything cheesy or generic, but every day, you’re going feel more like yourself. You just have to be extremely patient with yourself. It might take a few days, it might take a month. Whatever how long that looks, just give yourself time. War wasn’t won in an hour or a week, but remember it’s almost over.
